[ as xie lian's world moves on, as tragedy is averted, at least in a place or two, the young former prince fetches a lantern carrying a ghost fire. the situation is much the same, there - he didn't quite manage to avoid the 33 gods who ruined his life, and drunk and miserable, curled up in a grave where he found the lanterns and freed the spirits.
... but this time, it stirs a memory, and xie lian holds onto the final spirit lantern himself. drunk and miserable, he stumbles back home, and curls up around it, and cultivates.
his spiritual energy is loaded back up from his final encounter with the older hua cheng - it was shockingly long lasting, which says everything of how powerful the ghost king was. it's enough that he can cultivate to help restore the ghost fire's tenacious spirit. it's slow going, as he feeds the tiny ghost fire that stays close to him, pouring his own spiritual energy into him (how ironic) because he knows that this ghost fire is a soldier of xian le.
mu qing and feng xin don't ask - or, if they do, it's quiet and away from the prince, and they allow xie lian his single oddity, his single indulgence. as their world falls apart, he cultivates. he works, and he cultivates, and he works, and cultivates, day in and day out, and then, one day, nearly out of his own -
it's enough, and the ghost soldier takes a full, solid form.
he gets to do so in the back courtyard of the tiny cabin that the xian le fugitives have called their home, on a beautiful fall day. maple leaves drift down from the trees overhead, the world awash in red, and the very first thing that the ghost soldier will get to see -
is his prince, smiling at him, warm and flush with happiness, the same kind, gentle smile that was on his face when he caught him, all those years ago.
xie lian's heart flutters at the sight of the soldier, because it comes with a rush of memories - of the mt. tonglu he experienced, of baraqiel, of hua cheng who stayed at his side throughout his entire misadventure in that realm of celestials and temporals, and he strokes his fingers lightly over the top of ruoye's head. the ferret is almost vibrating, standing up straight and staring at the ghost soldier too. ]
[ san lang commits thirty-three faces to memory, though he doesn't have the power to do anything about them. all he can do is stay close to his god, all he can do is try to support him, all he can do is watch. it's his personal hell, but he doesn't dare stray far from xie lian, having already vowed that he would do anything and everything he could. death is very little to stand in the way of that.
especially when dianxia shares his spiritual energy with him.
he has no reason to do such a thing, not for some lowly ghost like him. but he does it, anyways, and he selfishly basks in it each and every time, even when he tells him he doesn't have to. dianxia can save it for himself, dianxia can focus on his cultivation for his own sake, for his parents. (never for feng xin and mu qing, but he's not so hostile to them while they're around. xie lian returning with a wealth of knowledge and of possessions, coin, jewels, swords, and a means to get more has helped, hasn't it.)
but xie lian does it. so san lang relishes in it, as well as being his companion. at night, he settles in the lantern again to cast a cool light on the room, staying close and watching over him. not much else he can do.
and then, he can do more.
he has the strength, the spiritual energy, to break through to a wrath. slowly, he turns his hands, looking down at them, keeping steady on his feet. and that's interesting, too, to suddenly have feet. but before xie lian stands and eighteen year old soldier, wild hair pulled into a high ponytail, right eye crimson red and uncovered. his ghost soldier is so surprised he doesn't think to cover or close it, and instead...
san lang looks up at xie lian, wondrous and shocked. ]
[ xie lian ignores the ghost fire telling him he doesn't have to, most days. at one point, he simply tells him he will not hear a single similar remark again, because he is doing it because he wants to, and because he is unbelievably, unbelievably stubborn.
(allow me to believe in you, for a change, actually, were his words of choice.)
and now, this work has borne fruit. xie lian has seen hua cheng - san lang - at this height, at this age, even if he was just a mere fragment of a watcher, and even back in xian le. his heart is swollen and warm in his chest, a hearth in the center of his ribcage, and for a moment, it feels almost hard to breathe.
i did it, san lang.
his fingers stroke quietly over the top of ruoye's head for a moment longer, a picture more of serene grace than he really is at the moment - still threadbare, still a little torn at the seams, but over all trying not to completely overwhelm this version of san lang with all of his memories of the place he was before - and nods to him. ]
Come: sit with me, now that you can, brave soldier. [ a pause - his smile warms a little further. ] San Lang.
[ it's only an ingrained knowledge that keeps him from taking a knee, instead, and only barely. xie lian has saved him time and again, hasn't he? saved him from falling, saved him with purpose, saved him with a single strand of hair, saved him from being sold as a trinket.
saved him, now.
and he even knows his name.
san lang doesn't quite know what to do with himself. he hasn't had the 800 years that the watcher did, to prepare himself for being so close to xie lian, to find even a modicum of chill. (and, even then, he still doesn't quite have any. better than an 18 year old soldier though.) ]
... that Dianxia knows me so well. [ that dianxia has taken care of him. san lang feels like he's about to burst into a thousand butterflies, but he moves towards him. coltish, at first, before he finds his footing so that he can ease down to sit with him. ]
[ he's not really sure if he's going to laugh or cry for a moment, because xie lian can't exactly answer with "well, that's because i've spent the past eight weeks getting to know a version of you from the future", now can he? but, that's okay. xie lian will roll with the punches.
san lang sits, and xie lian smiles at him, shifting comfortably where he's settled. up this close, he looks very tired - there are dark circles under his eyes, which probably isn't very surprising to the little spirit fire who has been accompanying him this long. sleeping with the feather given to him by baraqiel obviously doesn't really help anymore, and back in his own realm, xie lian just... hasn't been sleeping, as he's trying to keep together the fraying edges of his life and his family.
even still, his warmth and kindness are genuine, and light up his whole expression. ]
We've spent much time together. [ considering! the ghost fire. that will have to do as an answer. ] But, truly, how nice it is to see you face to face. How are you feeling?
[ he's noticed. god, of course he's noticed. and san lang has only had so many resources available to him, to try and help xie lian get rest. (hua cheng tried, too, however he could to alleviate some of the stress that would leave him restless. medicine, supplies, more that he can trade or sell once he returned to zhongguo. anything to help.) maybe, now that he has his own two hands again... maybe he can do more. ]
We have. And I've been grateful for every moment. [ even at the lowest moments. because he's been there, in some way.
a beat, just a brief pause, as he looks down at himself again. no bloody clothes, no battered and secondhand armor, no arrows embedded in him. no signs of his death, and the pain he felt at the end. ] ... better, to have a body again. Dianxia truly did so much to restore me - thank you.
[ not grateful enough for all of the things that hua cheng has done for him - but, xie lian's doing his best to return the favor. or, at least... to start to.
it's comforting, to hear his voice like this instead of the faint, fading sound of his words as the spirit fire. xie lian does lean a little closer to inspect him over, to make sure he doesn't look that much different than the ghost of mt. tonglu at all, besides the obvious. that eye of his is very, very red, and though it's a little surprising to see on his face...
it's very fetching! ]
I didn't do so much - merely assisted your own strength. You've held on this long on your own, and that is very impressive.
[ everything is so different like this. in reality, it hasn't been long since his death - but it feels like it has been. sitting here in the area behind the little home away from their fallen home, a place he's lingered at xie lian's side often... the brush of wind in his hair and across his skin, the rustle of clothing, the earth under him.
xie lian, inspecting him and everything about him. eye included.
it is very, very red! and having xie lian leaning in closer has him ducking under his bangs, even as he tries to remain seated upright, angling his head so that his right eye is a little more obscured. he'd spent so long, hiding it away. even on the battlefield. it's the safe self conscious behavior as his older self, even centuries later. ]
I had much I needed to do, even like that. And that you allowed me to stay by your side... [ because what good is having a little ghost fire? a spirit that can't do anything, can barely speak, can barely light the way. it's not as if san lang could warm xie lian and ruoye when he was curled up, miserable and drunk, in that grave. ] Now that I'm in possession of a body again, if I can help any -
[ this comes out with no provocation or anything else. what is probably worse for poor, poor san lang is that xie lian just shifts where he's settled and leans forward, reaching out with absolutely no warning at all to put his hand on his cheek on the side of his red eye. ]
probably a good thing that he's a ghost, here. no warmth floods to his face, no heartbeat to skip a beat and stutter to a stop. just poor san lang going stock still, staring back at him like a deer in the lights. but - he's asked. xie lian has asked. and who is he, especially at this age, to deny a request from taizi dianxia?
the slightest nod, against where he touches his cool cheek. ]
his hand stays there, thumb resting on his cheekbone, seaglass-gray-green-gold eyes focusing in on hua cheng's, on the red one.
and though there's quiet, for a second, when xie lian speaks up, he sounds a little breathless. ] ...This is the first time I've seen it. [ and there's a little huff of a laugh at the end of it, because, technically, he saw his eye in that beautiful saber - but beyond that, it was bandages and covers, and then, nothing at all in the rare times he saw hua cheng without one.
... he thumbs san lang's cheek again, and proclaims: ] I think it's very striking, isn't it?
at first, he can't look directly at xie lian. the red is crisp and clear even when he doesn't, though, such a stark difference to the twinkling black sky of his left eye - the one that's always been visible, regardless of eyepatch or not. there's a soft en in response to what xie lian says, first, but not much else, as he slowly looks up just enough to glance at him.
but then he's tenderly touching his face still, thumbing at his cheek, and san lang does truly look at him. the surprise is blatant. after so many years of his life being told that it was a cursed eye, a demon's eye, something that made him a monster...
someone thinks it's striking..? someone with eyes that change in every light, in every mood, that could very well be a treasure of xian le on their own - this person thinks that? ]
... Dianxia really thinks that?
[ hua cheng has been in love with xie lian since the moment that he met him. but it's still possible for him to fall more in love with him every single day. ]
[ of course it's striking. how could it not be? in xie lian's opinion, all of san lang is quite striking. like this, even - they're fairly close to the same age, and though "attractive" isn't really a word in xie lian's vocabulary, there's something nice about seeing san lang, as himself, where they're on the same page.
he nods, with no trouble - reassuring and immediate. ]
Of course I do.
[ something, maybe, to soothe away that stunned look, but - a genuine, honest answer. ] I think red suits you very much - and it is a very auspicious color, too.
[ especially after seeing him in blue,
ruoye chitters in agreement from his lap, too, making himself known. ] I like it.
he thinks of his mother's red, red clothes, the silver jewelry that jingled softly, her fond hong-er as she brushed his wild hair from his face so that she could see his eyes, the same as xie lian has asked of him. her red smile, sharp like a knife.
he thinks of the red coral pearl, the one he's going to have to find again, retrieve from where he'd left it. how he would hold it up to the moon, on the quiet, sleepless nights when they were waiting for their next orders, watching how the silver light glinted off of it. about how it was his most favorite possession. ]
Then... [ xie lian says he thinks red suits him. it will be hard to accept the part of him that others have hated to the point of him loathing it, too, but san lang can try to hate it a little less. ] I think I'm a little outnumbered.
You are! I think - [ maybe this is laying it on a little thick, however; ] Something tells me that crimson is your color, indeed.
[ there's amusement on xie lian's face as he says this, though, and he smiles down at ruoye when san lang refers to him. the ferret chitters softly and hops free of xie lian's lap, recognizing the permission being given - he wriggles across the way to san lang, and then sits in front of him on his hind leg. ]
You two have met before, but even still, I would like to officially introduce you to Ruoye.
[ ruoye gives a polite bow of his head as if he were a full size human and not a ferret. ]
He is my soul companion. As such, I think the two of you will get along swimmingly.
[ that is laying it on a little thick - but it's lost on a san lang that hasn't earned his title yet, who hasn't even conceived of a different name for himself than the two that he has. still, he's amused in turn, and finally there's something of an actual smile twisting at the corners of his mouth. crooked and boyish, but an expression that a watcher has shown, too, even if it's a little more new. tentative. hopeful?
at least ruoye is a welcome distraction from the discussion of his red, red eye, and he blinks down at the ferret. a constant companion that has had no explanation before now. ]
I see. [ he is my soul companion. that's a lot he's going to have to figure out as time goes on. but he bows his head in return, as if this is a normal conversation.
(he was a soldier and is a ghost, he's seen strange enough things.) ] I certainly hope so. Thank you for taking care of us, Ruoye.
xie lian sits back a little after that, pleased, and ruoye chitters, sticking his head up in san lang's direction. ]
You may pet him, if you'd like.
[ might as well get that out of the way. ruoye seems in perfect agreement with this, and if not stopped, he will hop right into this little soldier's lap like it's nothing. ]
[ the last butterfly has barely faded, the dust has barely settled, xie lian has barely been given the time to mourn, when an opening in the world cracks open.
there's no noise to go with it, interestingly enough, but just a slight shift in things surrounding it. cooler air, strangely and newly fresh. a different light to shine in on this part of mt. tonglu where the world fell apart. the distant, faint noises of people milling about, saying their goodbyes, exploring the change in the world.
and then, a jingle. a crunch of boots on barren soil. the near-silent padding of paws alongside it, as bells and charms chime softly in the aftermath of a fight that's truly gone on for centuries now, jun wu pinned in place to serve his penance for everything that's happened.
hua cheng doesn't look any different from what he did perhaps five minutes prior, but different in a thousand ways at the same time - made all the more apparent by the otherness of the large, multi-tailed fox that accompanies him, radiating the same resentful energy as him.
the land of prosperity behind him, he holds up his newly minted coin, brushing hish thumb over the tree on one side.
just like that, the open doorway closes. two months; five minutes.
hua cheng bought himself the time he needed, to get back to xie lian faster. ]
he's not going to stop ruoye, that's for certain. his expression, initially, definitely reads as "i want to, but you just said this was your soul companion, so i have no right to that" before he's essentially given no choice in the matter. but there's no revulsion for xie lian, and san lang doesn't experience it either. instead, he just -
without a daemon of his own, as ruoye is physically manifested, he doesn't experience the full weight of the warmth. but it's still there, as he lets the ferret do whatever he likes, tentatively hovering his hands over him. ]
ruoye just immediately grabs his hand with his little paw and pulls it down, flopping over cutely into san lang's lap with his hand. pet me.
it makes xie lian laugh - a little breathless, because he gets the full punch to the gut of warmth from the touch, though he's at least used to it so it's a laugh none the less. happiness warms up his face, and he rubs at his mouth gently with a big sleeve, watching this. ]
Please - there is no need to hesitate. [ ruoye pipes up in his cute voice just a moment later, for the first time, with an enthusiastic yes! ]
[ hua cheng's final words to xie lian ring in his head in the moments that he is gone.
as it turns out, for someone who has lost a lot in his life, it never gets easier to lose people. for someone who has lost everything - so much so that he never was able to get close, really close, to another person again - you would think xie lian would be used to it.
... but after so many years of misery, it was akin to giving a man who was dying of thirst his first drink, of the sweetest, most beautiful wine - and then taking it away. hua cheng, who was xie lian's first companion in eight centuries. his first friend. his everything - hua cheng who was that child on the wall, the soldier in xian le fighting with a saber, hua cheng who was wu ming, who had been with him for so long, who finally found him
gone.
he's still kneeling, hands half held out. feng xin and mu qing start yelling, behind him - crimson rain sought flower, get back out here! - but to xie lian, it sounds like they're a thousand miles away, as he stares, trembling, down at his hands, at the red string on his finger, taking a slow, rattling breath, a heaving sob. he's lost track of everything, his only thought hua cheng's voice ringing in his ears, and then -
my apologies, dianxia.
xie lian's head snaps up.
tears run fresh down his cheeks - he'd been crying since the moment they realized what was happening - and the breath leaves his lungs as he just -- he just stares. the sound of jingling footsteps and the low dulcet of his familiar voice. xie lian is stunned, frozen, even as the little creature hops out and joins hua cheng's side.
the first one to speak is not xie lian, but rather - it's feng xin, who shouts, Oh, you fucking bastard, real funny!
xie lian barely hears him; all he can do is stare, almost disbelieving. ]
san lang freezes, but allows this to happen, carefully setting his hand on ruoye and stroking once his hand has been mostly released. he doesn't feel the warmth in the same way that xie lian does, but there's an inkling of something in his chest - a sudden, distant star gone supernova, honey-warm. safe.
but of course he speaks. of course this part of xie lian could also share his heart. ]
[ feng xin goes ignored - at least, by hua cheng; tanhua curls his lip at him, tails lashing - as he only has attention for xie lian. xie lian, dianxia.
gege.
his. he remembers joonghyuk's statement, the realization. (not yours, then.) but regardless of circumstance, regardless of events, his heart is no less warm for this person, swelling as if it could beat again, than it was five minutes ago, two months ago, ten years, a hundred, eight hundred years ago. he looks at him with his tear-stained cheeks, and his steps jingle again. slow, at first, a familiar crunch of earth beneath boots.
and then he picks up his pace, quicker, a rush to rejoin with him as if it's been another hundred years instead. tanhua jitters behind him where they first returned, shifting on all four paws, before skulking after, ears flicked back and tails twitching low, a noise in his throat. ]
Gege. [ to call him that again, to call to him - ] Gege. I'm sorry, please - no more tears.
[ just like that, hua cheng hits his knees, going to scoop up his face tenderly. his thumbs swipe across his cheeks, fussing gently. soothing, as best he can, considering. ]
[ ...it's familiar, if just a tiny, tiny bit melancholy. it's been a while since xie lian's time in those strange new worlds ended, now, and he has had no time to reach out - or, hasn't wanted to. sometimes, he still wears the shame like a cloak, curled up around his shoulders.
so this is the first time he's felt it. it's a reminder that the baraqiel he knew was not - was not his hua cheng, maybe, but... this one is. it's still him.
(he finds himself missing tanhua, just for a moment. a little nostalgia, a little bittersweet.)
still, xie lian's smile is gentle. ]
Mm. I think you'll find that he likes you very much, San Lang. [ ruoye chitters happily, content with showing off his voice, and squirms across san lang's lap, pretty much demanding that he continues to pet him. his little wiggle worm. ] He is independent of me in a sense - he very much has his own personality, and has been through quite a bit.
... He's been looking forward to [ i've been looking forward to ] meeting you.
[ i was going to write a big, beautiful tag to this but honestly
when hua cheng scoops his face up, xie lian's expression just crumples and he practically throws himself at hua cheng to kiss him. at the moment, he doesn't really know his own strength, surging with more spiritual energy than he's had in centuries, so they are probably going to hit the ground but that's okay. ]
... you both watched over me. [ ruoye, curled up around his lantern, despite the fact it gave no warmth. xie lian, letting it sit nestled in the cradle of his crossed legs, a safe place as he cultivated and shared what little spiritual energy he had with him.
despite the reverence that leads to hesitation, ruoye is insistent. his fingers ghost over his little head, and then he scratches under his chin, around his full cheeks, thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose, a quiet affection and gratitude that he tries to lavish the daemon in. perhaps it extends to his person, as well. ]
Of course I would treat him as I would you, Dianxia. [ i'll keep him safe, i won't let him go through anything.
i'll keep you safe, i won't let you go through anything alone anymore. ]
[ honestly, this is about what both i and hua cheng expected.
the taking out part, not the kissing. the kissing is good. hua cheng makes a small, low noise, as he's practically flung to the dirt. feng xin and mu qing immediately turn on their heels, though don't wander far this time. (considering the last time they did, crimson rain exploded into butterflies...)
tanhua yips and dances around them, as his person goes from holding xie lian's face to threading his fingers into his hair, holding him there, pouring love and gratitude and devotion and relief into a kiss that should not have happened again so soon. ]
[ xie lian's heart swells for a moment, recalling the words of an elder hua cheng.
Where one might end, another will begin - another banquet, another story, another journey. The fox and the rabbit would meet, again and again.
he has to duck his head to keep his expression hidden, the small smile lighting up his exhausted features like the warmth of a hearth. it feels like hope, something xie lian has lost sight of every now and then, in the hell of his life.
absently, he lifts his hand to press it to his own chest. ]
We have tried to. [ watch over him. ] And we - and I have often failed.
[ ... ] I told you to stop believing in me once, you know. You are quite stubborn - you never did, did you?
[ poor feng xin and mu qing now have to pretend to look literally anywhere else. actually, guoshi also has to pretend to look literally anywhere else. terrible. xie lian does not care about any of them right now - he just cares about hua cheng, and the fact that he's kissing him, and that what was just butterflies in his fingers merely minutes ago is a solid, real, and familiarly cold person.
the kiss breaks because he sobs, the noise completely unintentional, surprised and overwhelmed, and xie lian pulls back about half an inch just to look at him.
and then just kisses him again. and again. and again. like, anywhere he can actually kiss him on his face he's going to remember his propriety in a minute but not now goodbye ]
[ this san lang - this hong-er, this young man who will become hua cheng, given some time - misses the smile, the hopefulness, the light that's come from something so simple yet so profound all at once. but to him, it's as easy as what breathing had been, when he was alive.
he would never, ever give up on xie lian.
it's as he's now bringing both hands to pet ruoye that he looks up proper, blinking his mismatched eyes at xie lian. ]
Dianxia has never given me reason to doubt, nor forget. I said that I would not - and I still will not. [ a moment, then: ] You gave me purpose, and meaning. You gave me a reason to live. To die for you was my greatest honor, but I would not leave this world so long as you were in it, not after the kindness that you showed me when no one else would.
[ jun wu, laying there on the ground, staring up into the distant opening of mt. tonglu, now. unfortunate that this is the beginning of his punishment.
with the sob that breaks its way out of xie lian, hua cheng sooths gently, a soft hushing noise. his fingers ghost through the hair at the sides of his face, clearing away any of the residual blood and debris of his fight not even fifteen, ten minutes ago. all xie lian will get to see is someone whole and healthy again, revitalized, if tired in dark corners that he covers up gently.
and then he closes his eye, returning his kiss again, tilting and turning his face into the kisses that scatter across it. ]
[ xie lian is a lot of things, in this moment. exhausted. thrumming with spiritual power, running off of an adrenaline high. shocked. still a little afraid. confused? relieved? in love? those last three overpower almost everything else as hua cheng just fusses at him, and he's half afraid to blink, that hua cheng might just vanish. ]
You - you weren't - [ he sort of blubbers, uselessly, unable to do anything else or anything remotely productive as he grabs onto hua cheng's face, half trying to get him to stop fussing so he can fuss and half trying to ensure that he's real. you weren't here. ] What, what, you... San Lang, don't scare me like that!
[ okay, listen. listen!!! he's expecting this kind of response, because after weeks of getting to know hua cheng, he likes to say things that affirm all the parts of xie lian that he feels like he's going to lose hold of, likes to say things that are sweepingly kind and sincere and he means them but it's still!! a lot!! it's a lot, especially when he has the incarnation of xie lian's literal soul in his lap.
ruoye, delighted, wriggles into the hands further, while his person just kind of stares, processing. and then, he makes a soft noise, almost a little laugh, and reaches up to rub his own cheek. ]
...Fair enough. [ i would not leave this world so long as you were in it. ] Then... I'm glad for it, San Lang. That I have done so much to earn your belief so fervently is - well. I think I ought to be thanking you.
[ his voice softens at the end there, rounding out, as ruoye nuzzles against his hand one last time before wriggling out of hua cheng's lap, coming instead to snuggle up against his side. ]
Things are not so easy, here and now. It has been a long and difficult road, but... if you would like to traverse it with us, then, you are more than welcome to stand by my side. It would be my honor, really. What do you think?
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you get taizi dianxia
... but this time, it stirs a memory, and xie lian holds onto the final spirit lantern himself. drunk and miserable, he stumbles back home, and curls up around it, and cultivates.
his spiritual energy is loaded back up from his final encounter with the older hua cheng - it was shockingly long lasting, which says everything of how powerful the ghost king was. it's enough that he can cultivate to help restore the ghost fire's tenacious spirit. it's slow going, as he feeds the tiny ghost fire that stays close to him, pouring his own spiritual energy into him (how ironic) because he knows that this ghost fire is a soldier of xian le.
mu qing and feng xin don't ask - or, if they do, it's quiet and away from the prince, and they allow xie lian his single oddity, his single indulgence. as their world falls apart, he cultivates. he works, and he cultivates, and he works, and cultivates, day in and day out, and then, one day, nearly out of his own -
it's enough, and the ghost soldier takes a full, solid form.
he gets to do so in the back courtyard of the tiny cabin that the xian le fugitives have called their home, on a beautiful fall day. maple leaves drift down from the trees overhead, the world awash in red, and the very first thing that the ghost soldier will get to see -
is his prince, smiling at him, warm and flush with happiness, the same kind, gentle smile that was on his face when he caught him, all those years ago.
xie lian's heart flutters at the sight of the soldier, because it comes with a rush of memories - of the mt. tonglu he experienced, of baraqiel, of hua cheng who stayed at his side throughout his entire misadventure in that realm of celestials and temporals, and he strokes his fingers lightly over the top of ruoye's head. the ferret is almost vibrating, standing up straight and staring at the ghost soldier too. ]
Welcome back.
dianxia! :pleading_face:
especially when dianxia shares his spiritual energy with him.
he has no reason to do such a thing, not for some lowly ghost like him. but he does it, anyways, and he selfishly basks in it each and every time, even when he tells him he doesn't have to. dianxia can save it for himself, dianxia can focus on his cultivation for his own sake, for his parents. (never for feng xin and mu qing, but he's not so hostile to them while they're around. xie lian returning with a wealth of knowledge and of possessions, coin, jewels, swords, and a means to get more has helped, hasn't it.)
but xie lian does it. so san lang relishes in it, as well as being his companion. at night, he settles in the lantern again to cast a cool light on the room, staying close and watching over him. not much else he can do.
and then, he can do more.
he has the strength, the spiritual energy, to break through to a wrath. slowly, he turns his hands, looking down at them, keeping steady on his feet. and that's interesting, too, to suddenly have feet. but before xie lian stands and eighteen year old soldier, wild hair pulled into a high ponytail, right eye crimson red and uncovered. his ghost soldier is so surprised he doesn't think to cover or close it, and instead...
san lang looks up at xie lian, wondrous and shocked. ]
... Taizi Dianxia.
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(allow me to believe in you, for a change, actually, were his words of choice.)
and now, this work has borne fruit. xie lian has seen hua cheng - san lang - at this height, at this age, even if he was just a mere fragment of a watcher, and even back in xian le. his heart is swollen and warm in his chest, a hearth in the center of his ribcage, and for a moment, it feels almost hard to breathe.
i did it, san lang.
his fingers stroke quietly over the top of ruoye's head for a moment longer, a picture more of serene grace than he really is at the moment - still threadbare, still a little torn at the seams, but over all trying not to completely overwhelm this version of san lang with all of his memories of the place he was before - and nods to him. ]
Come: sit with me, now that you can, brave soldier. [ a pause - his smile warms a little further. ] San Lang.
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saved him, now.
and he even knows his name.
san lang doesn't quite know what to do with himself. he hasn't had the 800 years that the watcher did, to prepare himself for being so close to xie lian, to find even a modicum of chill. (and, even then, he still doesn't quite have any. better than an 18 year old soldier though.) ]
... that Dianxia knows me so well. [ that dianxia has taken care of him. san lang feels like he's about to burst into a thousand butterflies, but he moves towards him. coltish, at first, before he finds his footing so that he can ease down to sit with him. ]
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san lang sits, and xie lian smiles at him, shifting comfortably where he's settled. up this close, he looks very tired - there are dark circles under his eyes, which probably isn't very surprising to the little spirit fire who has been accompanying him this long. sleeping with the feather given to him by baraqiel obviously doesn't really help anymore, and back in his own realm, xie lian just... hasn't been sleeping, as he's trying to keep together the fraying edges of his life and his family.
even still, his warmth and kindness are genuine, and light up his whole expression. ]
We've spent much time together. [ considering! the ghost fire. that will have to do as an answer. ] But, truly, how nice it is to see you face to face. How are you feeling?
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We have. And I've been grateful for every moment. [ even at the lowest moments. because he's been there, in some way.
a beat, just a brief pause, as he looks down at himself again. no bloody clothes, no battered and secondhand armor, no arrows embedded in him. no signs of his death, and the pain he felt at the end. ] ... better, to have a body again. Dianxia truly did so much to restore me - thank you.
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I have been, too.
[ not grateful enough for all of the things that hua cheng has done for him - but, xie lian's doing his best to return the favor. or, at least... to start to.
it's comforting, to hear his voice like this instead of the faint, fading sound of his words as the spirit fire. xie lian does lean a little closer to inspect him over, to make sure he doesn't look that much different than the ghost of mt. tonglu at all, besides the obvious. that eye of his is very, very red, and though it's a little surprising to see on his face...
it's very fetching! ]
I didn't do so much - merely assisted your own strength. You've held on this long on your own, and that is very impressive.
[ time for praise! ]
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xie lian, inspecting him and everything about him. eye included.
it is very, very red! and having xie lian leaning in closer has him ducking under his bangs, even as he tries to remain seated upright, angling his head so that his right eye is a little more obscured. he'd spent so long, hiding it away. even on the battlefield. it's the safe self conscious behavior as his older self, even centuries later. ]
I had much I needed to do, even like that. And that you allowed me to stay by your side... [ because what good is having a little ghost fire? a spirit that can't do anything, can barely speak, can barely light the way. it's not as if san lang could warm xie lian and ruoye when he was curled up, miserable and drunk, in that grave. ] Now that I'm in possession of a body again, if I can help any -
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- You can, but, there's no need to hide from me.
[ this comes out with no provocation or anything else. what is probably worse for poor, poor san lang is that xie lian just shifts where he's settled and leans forward, reaching out with absolutely no warning at all to put his hand on his cheek on the side of his red eye. ]
Will you let me see?
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probably a good thing that he's a ghost, here. no warmth floods to his face, no heartbeat to skip a beat and stutter to a stop. just poor san lang going stock still, staring back at him like a deer in the lights. but - he's asked. xie lian has asked. and who is he, especially at this age, to deny a request from taizi dianxia?
the slightest nod, against where he touches his cool cheek. ]
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his hand stays there, thumb resting on his cheekbone, seaglass-gray-green-gold eyes focusing in on hua cheng's, on the red one.
and though there's quiet, for a second, when xie lian speaks up, he sounds a little breathless. ] ...This is the first time I've seen it. [ and there's a little huff of a laugh at the end of it, because, technically, he saw his eye in that beautiful saber - but beyond that, it was bandages and covers, and then, nothing at all in the rare times he saw hua cheng without one.
... he thumbs san lang's cheek again, and proclaims: ] I think it's very striking, isn't it?
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at first, he can't look directly at xie lian. the red is crisp and clear even when he doesn't, though, such a stark difference to the twinkling black sky of his left eye - the one that's always been visible, regardless of eyepatch or not. there's a soft en in response to what xie lian says, first, but not much else, as he slowly looks up just enough to glance at him.
but then he's tenderly touching his face still, thumbing at his cheek, and san lang does truly look at him. the surprise is blatant. after so many years of his life being told that it was a cursed eye, a demon's eye, something that made him a monster...
someone thinks it's striking..? someone with eyes that change in every light, in every mood, that could very well be a treasure of xian le on their own - this person thinks that? ]
... Dianxia really thinks that?
[ hua cheng has been in love with xie lian since the moment that he met him. but it's still possible for him to fall more in love with him every single day. ]
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he nods, with no trouble - reassuring and immediate. ]
Of course I do.
[ something, maybe, to soothe away that stunned look, but - a genuine, honest answer. ] I think red suits you very much - and it is a very auspicious color, too.
[ especially after seeing him in blue,
ruoye chitters in agreement from his lap, too, making himself known. ] I like it.
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he thinks of his mother's red, red clothes, the silver jewelry that jingled softly, her fond hong-er as she brushed his wild hair from his face so that she could see his eyes, the same as xie lian has asked of him. her red smile, sharp like a knife.
he thinks of the red coral pearl, the one he's going to have to find again, retrieve from where he'd left it. how he would hold it up to the moon, on the quiet, sleepless nights when they were waiting for their next orders, watching how the silver light glinted off of it. about how it was his most favorite possession. ]
Then... [ xie lian says he thinks red suits him. it will be hard to accept the part of him that others have hated to the point of him loathing it, too, but san lang can try to hate it a little less. ] I think I'm a little outnumbered.
[ referring to ruoye. ]
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[ there's amusement on xie lian's face as he says this, though, and he smiles down at ruoye when san lang refers to him. the ferret chitters softly and hops free of xie lian's lap, recognizing the permission being given - he wriggles across the way to san lang, and then sits in front of him on his hind leg. ]
You two have met before, but even still, I would like to officially introduce you to Ruoye.
[ ruoye gives a polite bow of his head as if he were a full size human and not a ferret. ]
He is my soul companion. As such, I think the two of you will get along swimmingly.
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at least ruoye is a welcome distraction from the discussion of his red, red eye, and he blinks down at the ferret. a constant companion that has had no explanation before now. ]
I see. [ he is my soul companion. that's a lot he's going to have to figure out as time goes on. but he bows his head in return, as if this is a normal conversation.
(he was a soldier and is a ghost, he's seen strange enough things.) ] I certainly hope so. Thank you for taking care of us, Ruoye.
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xie lian sits back a little after that, pleased, and ruoye chitters, sticking his head up in san lang's direction. ]
You may pet him, if you'd like.
[ might as well get that out of the way. ruoye seems in perfect agreement with this, and if not stopped, he will hop right into this little soldier's lap like it's nothing. ]
we broke tgcf twice
there's no noise to go with it, interestingly enough, but just a slight shift in things surrounding it. cooler air, strangely and newly fresh. a different light to shine in on this part of mt. tonglu where the world fell apart. the distant, faint noises of people milling about, saying their goodbyes, exploring the change in the world.
and then, a jingle. a crunch of boots on barren soil. the near-silent padding of paws alongside it, as bells and charms chime softly in the aftermath of a fight that's truly gone on for centuries now, jun wu pinned in place to serve his penance for everything that's happened.
hua cheng doesn't look any different from what he did perhaps five minutes prior, but different in a thousand ways at the same time - made all the more apparent by the otherness of the large, multi-tailed fox that accompanies him, radiating the same resentful energy as him.
the land of prosperity behind him, he holds up his newly minted coin, brushing hish thumb over the tree on one side.
just like that, the open doorway closes. two months; five minutes.
hua cheng bought himself the time he needed, to get back to xie lian faster. ]
My apologies, Dianxia.
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well.
he's not going to stop ruoye, that's for certain. his expression, initially, definitely reads as "i want to, but you just said this was your soul companion, so i have no right to that" before he's essentially given no choice in the matter. but there's no revulsion for xie lian, and san lang doesn't experience it either. instead, he just -
without a daemon of his own, as ruoye is physically manifested, he doesn't experience the full weight of the warmth. but it's still there, as he lets the ferret do whatever he likes, tentatively hovering his hands over him. ]
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ruoye just immediately grabs his hand with his little paw and pulls it down, flopping over cutely into san lang's lap with his hand. pet me.
it makes xie lian laugh - a little breathless, because he gets the full punch to the gut of warmth from the touch, though he's at least used to it so it's a laugh none the less. happiness warms up his face, and he rubs at his mouth gently with a big sleeve, watching this. ]
Please - there is no need to hesitate. [ ruoye pipes up in his cute voice just a moment later, for the first time, with an enthusiastic yes! ]
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as it turns out, for someone who has lost a lot in his life, it never gets easier to lose people. for someone who has lost everything - so much so that he never was able to get close, really close, to another person again - you would think xie lian would be used to it.
... but after so many years of misery, it was akin to giving a man who was dying of thirst his first drink, of the sweetest, most beautiful wine - and then taking it away. hua cheng, who was xie lian's first companion in eight centuries. his first friend. his everything - hua cheng who was that child on the wall, the soldier in xian le fighting with a saber, hua cheng who was wu ming, who had been with him for so long, who finally found him
gone.
he's still kneeling, hands half held out. feng xin and mu qing start yelling, behind him - crimson rain sought flower, get back out here! - but to xie lian, it sounds like they're a thousand miles away, as he stares, trembling, down at his hands, at the red string on his finger, taking a slow, rattling breath, a heaving sob. he's lost track of everything, his only thought hua cheng's voice ringing in his ears, and then -
my apologies, dianxia.
xie lian's head snaps up.
tears run fresh down his cheeks - he'd been crying since the moment they realized what was happening - and the breath leaves his lungs as he just -- he just stares. the sound of jingling footsteps and the low dulcet of his familiar voice. xie lian is stunned, frozen, even as the little creature hops out and joins hua cheng's side.
the first one to speak is not xie lian, but rather - it's feng xin, who shouts, Oh, you fucking bastard, real funny!
xie lian barely hears him; all he can do is stare, almost disbelieving. ]
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san lang freezes, but allows this to happen, carefully setting his hand on ruoye and stroking once his hand has been mostly released. he doesn't feel the warmth in the same way that xie lian does, but there's an inkling of something in his chest - a sudden, distant star gone supernova, honey-warm. safe.
but of course he speaks. of course this part of xie lian could also share his heart. ]
... how wonderful, Dianxia.
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gege.
his. he remembers joonghyuk's statement, the realization. (not yours, then.) but regardless of circumstance, regardless of events, his heart is no less warm for this person, swelling as if it could beat again, than it was five minutes ago, two months ago, ten years, a hundred, eight hundred years ago. he looks at him with his tear-stained cheeks, and his steps jingle again. slow, at first, a familiar crunch of earth beneath boots.
and then he picks up his pace, quicker, a rush to rejoin with him as if it's been another hundred years instead. tanhua jitters behind him where they first returned, shifting on all four paws, before skulking after, ears flicked back and tails twitching low, a noise in his throat. ]
Gege. [ to call him that again, to call to him - ] Gege. I'm sorry, please - no more tears.
[ just like that, hua cheng hits his knees, going to scoop up his face tenderly. his thumbs swipe across his cheeks, fussing gently. soothing, as best he can, considering. ]
I promised, didn't I?
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so this is the first time he's felt it. it's a reminder that the baraqiel he knew was not - was not his hua cheng, maybe, but... this one is. it's still him.
(he finds himself missing tanhua, just for a moment. a little nostalgia, a little bittersweet.)
still, xie lian's smile is gentle. ]
Mm. I think you'll find that he likes you very much, San Lang. [ ruoye chitters happily, content with showing off his voice, and squirms across san lang's lap, pretty much demanding that he continues to pet him. his little wiggle worm. ] He is independent of me in a sense - he very much has his own personality, and has been through quite a bit.
... He's been looking forward to [ i've been looking forward to ] meeting you.
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when hua cheng scoops his face up, xie lian's expression just crumples and he practically throws himself at hua cheng to kiss him. at the moment, he doesn't really know his own strength, surging with more spiritual energy than he's had in centuries, so they are probably going to hit the ground but that's okay. ]
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despite the reverence that leads to hesitation, ruoye is insistent. his fingers ghost over his little head, and then he scratches under his chin, around his full cheeks, thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose, a quiet affection and gratitude that he tries to lavish the daemon in. perhaps it extends to his person, as well. ]
Of course I would treat him as I would you, Dianxia. [ i'll keep him safe, i won't let him go through anything.
i'll keep you safe, i won't let you go through anything alone anymore. ]
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the taking out part, not the kissing. the kissing is good. hua cheng makes a small, low noise, as he's practically flung to the dirt. feng xin and mu qing immediately turn on their heels, though don't wander far this time. (considering the last time they did, crimson rain exploded into butterflies...)
tanhua yips and dances around them, as his person goes from holding xie lian's face to threading his fingers into his hair, holding him there, pouring love and gratitude and devotion and relief into a kiss that should not have happened again so soon. ]
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Where one might end, another will begin - another banquet, another story, another journey. The fox and the rabbit would meet, again and again.
he has to duck his head to keep his expression hidden, the small smile lighting up his exhausted features like the warmth of a hearth. it feels like hope, something xie lian has lost sight of every now and then, in the hell of his life.
absently, he lifts his hand to press it to his own chest. ]
We have tried to. [ watch over him. ] And we - and I have often failed.
[ ... ] I told you to stop believing in me once, you know. You are quite stubborn - you never did, did you?
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the kiss breaks because he sobs, the noise completely unintentional, surprised and overwhelmed, and xie lian pulls back about half an inch just to look at him.
and then just kisses him again. and again. and again. like, anywhere he can actually kiss him on his face he's going to remember his propriety in a minute but not now goodbye ]
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he would never, ever give up on xie lian.
it's as he's now bringing both hands to pet ruoye that he looks up proper, blinking his mismatched eyes at xie lian. ]
Dianxia has never given me reason to doubt, nor forget. I said that I would not - and I still will not. [ a moment, then: ] You gave me purpose, and meaning. You gave me a reason to live. To die for you was my greatest honor, but I would not leave this world so long as you were in it, not after the kindness that you showed me when no one else would.
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with the sob that breaks its way out of xie lian, hua cheng sooths gently, a soft hushing noise. his fingers ghost through the hair at the sides of his face, clearing away any of the residual blood and debris of his fight not even fifteen, ten minutes ago. all xie lian will get to see is someone whole and healthy again, revitalized, if tired in dark corners that he covers up gently.
and then he closes his eye, returning his kiss again, tilting and turning his face into the kisses that scatter across it. ]
I'm here, gege.
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You - you weren't - [ he sort of blubbers, uselessly, unable to do anything else or anything remotely productive as he grabs onto hua cheng's face, half trying to get him to stop fussing so he can fuss and half trying to ensure that he's real. you weren't here. ] What, what, you... San Lang, don't scare me like that!
[ WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!! ]
surprise tags you like a year and a half later
ruoye, delighted, wriggles into the hands further, while his person just kind of stares, processing. and then, he makes a soft noise, almost a little laugh, and reaches up to rub his own cheek. ]
...Fair enough. [ i would not leave this world so long as you were in it. ] Then... I'm glad for it, San Lang. That I have done so much to earn your belief so fervently is - well. I think I ought to be thanking you.
[ his voice softens at the end there, rounding out, as ruoye nuzzles against his hand one last time before wriggling out of hua cheng's lap, coming instead to snuggle up against his side. ]
Things are not so easy, here and now. It has been a long and difficult road, but... if you would like to traverse it with us, then, you are more than welcome to stand by my side. It would be my honor, really. What do you think?