[ not grateful enough for all of the things that hua cheng has done for him - but, xie lian's doing his best to return the favor. or, at least... to start to.
it's comforting, to hear his voice like this instead of the faint, fading sound of his words as the spirit fire. xie lian does lean a little closer to inspect him over, to make sure he doesn't look that much different than the ghost of mt. tonglu at all, besides the obvious. that eye of his is very, very red, and though it's a little surprising to see on his face...
it's very fetching! ]
I didn't do so much - merely assisted your own strength. You've held on this long on your own, and that is very impressive.
[ everything is so different like this. in reality, it hasn't been long since his death - but it feels like it has been. sitting here in the area behind the little home away from their fallen home, a place he's lingered at xie lian's side often... the brush of wind in his hair and across his skin, the rustle of clothing, the earth under him.
xie lian, inspecting him and everything about him. eye included.
it is very, very red! and having xie lian leaning in closer has him ducking under his bangs, even as he tries to remain seated upright, angling his head so that his right eye is a little more obscured. he'd spent so long, hiding it away. even on the battlefield. it's the safe self conscious behavior as his older self, even centuries later. ]
I had much I needed to do, even like that. And that you allowed me to stay by your side... [ because what good is having a little ghost fire? a spirit that can't do anything, can barely speak, can barely light the way. it's not as if san lang could warm xie lian and ruoye when he was curled up, miserable and drunk, in that grave. ] Now that I'm in possession of a body again, if I can help any -
[ this comes out with no provocation or anything else. what is probably worse for poor, poor san lang is that xie lian just shifts where he's settled and leans forward, reaching out with absolutely no warning at all to put his hand on his cheek on the side of his red eye. ]
probably a good thing that he's a ghost, here. no warmth floods to his face, no heartbeat to skip a beat and stutter to a stop. just poor san lang going stock still, staring back at him like a deer in the lights. but - he's asked. xie lian has asked. and who is he, especially at this age, to deny a request from taizi dianxia?
the slightest nod, against where he touches his cool cheek. ]
his hand stays there, thumb resting on his cheekbone, seaglass-gray-green-gold eyes focusing in on hua cheng's, on the red one.
and though there's quiet, for a second, when xie lian speaks up, he sounds a little breathless. ] ...This is the first time I've seen it. [ and there's a little huff of a laugh at the end of it, because, technically, he saw his eye in that beautiful saber - but beyond that, it was bandages and covers, and then, nothing at all in the rare times he saw hua cheng without one.
... he thumbs san lang's cheek again, and proclaims: ] I think it's very striking, isn't it?
at first, he can't look directly at xie lian. the red is crisp and clear even when he doesn't, though, such a stark difference to the twinkling black sky of his left eye - the one that's always been visible, regardless of eyepatch or not. there's a soft en in response to what xie lian says, first, but not much else, as he slowly looks up just enough to glance at him.
but then he's tenderly touching his face still, thumbing at his cheek, and san lang does truly look at him. the surprise is blatant. after so many years of his life being told that it was a cursed eye, a demon's eye, something that made him a monster...
someone thinks it's striking..? someone with eyes that change in every light, in every mood, that could very well be a treasure of xian le on their own - this person thinks that? ]
... Dianxia really thinks that?
[ hua cheng has been in love with xie lian since the moment that he met him. but it's still possible for him to fall more in love with him every single day. ]
[ of course it's striking. how could it not be? in xie lian's opinion, all of san lang is quite striking. like this, even - they're fairly close to the same age, and though "attractive" isn't really a word in xie lian's vocabulary, there's something nice about seeing san lang, as himself, where they're on the same page.
he nods, with no trouble - reassuring and immediate. ]
Of course I do.
[ something, maybe, to soothe away that stunned look, but - a genuine, honest answer. ] I think red suits you very much - and it is a very auspicious color, too.
[ especially after seeing him in blue,
ruoye chitters in agreement from his lap, too, making himself known. ] I like it.
he thinks of his mother's red, red clothes, the silver jewelry that jingled softly, her fond hong-er as she brushed his wild hair from his face so that she could see his eyes, the same as xie lian has asked of him. her red smile, sharp like a knife.
he thinks of the red coral pearl, the one he's going to have to find again, retrieve from where he'd left it. how he would hold it up to the moon, on the quiet, sleepless nights when they were waiting for their next orders, watching how the silver light glinted off of it. about how it was his most favorite possession. ]
Then... [ xie lian says he thinks red suits him. it will be hard to accept the part of him that others have hated to the point of him loathing it, too, but san lang can try to hate it a little less. ] I think I'm a little outnumbered.
You are! I think - [ maybe this is laying it on a little thick, however; ] Something tells me that crimson is your color, indeed.
[ there's amusement on xie lian's face as he says this, though, and he smiles down at ruoye when san lang refers to him. the ferret chitters softly and hops free of xie lian's lap, recognizing the permission being given - he wriggles across the way to san lang, and then sits in front of him on his hind leg. ]
You two have met before, but even still, I would like to officially introduce you to Ruoye.
[ ruoye gives a polite bow of his head as if he were a full size human and not a ferret. ]
He is my soul companion. As such, I think the two of you will get along swimmingly.
[ that is laying it on a little thick - but it's lost on a san lang that hasn't earned his title yet, who hasn't even conceived of a different name for himself than the two that he has. still, he's amused in turn, and finally there's something of an actual smile twisting at the corners of his mouth. crooked and boyish, but an expression that a watcher has shown, too, even if it's a little more new. tentative. hopeful?
at least ruoye is a welcome distraction from the discussion of his red, red eye, and he blinks down at the ferret. a constant companion that has had no explanation before now. ]
I see. [ he is my soul companion. that's a lot he's going to have to figure out as time goes on. but he bows his head in return, as if this is a normal conversation.
(he was a soldier and is a ghost, he's seen strange enough things.) ] I certainly hope so. Thank you for taking care of us, Ruoye.
xie lian sits back a little after that, pleased, and ruoye chitters, sticking his head up in san lang's direction. ]
You may pet him, if you'd like.
[ might as well get that out of the way. ruoye seems in perfect agreement with this, and if not stopped, he will hop right into this little soldier's lap like it's nothing. ]
he's not going to stop ruoye, that's for certain. his expression, initially, definitely reads as "i want to, but you just said this was your soul companion, so i have no right to that" before he's essentially given no choice in the matter. but there's no revulsion for xie lian, and san lang doesn't experience it either. instead, he just -
without a daemon of his own, as ruoye is physically manifested, he doesn't experience the full weight of the warmth. but it's still there, as he lets the ferret do whatever he likes, tentatively hovering his hands over him. ]
ruoye just immediately grabs his hand with his little paw and pulls it down, flopping over cutely into san lang's lap with his hand. pet me.
it makes xie lian laugh - a little breathless, because he gets the full punch to the gut of warmth from the touch, though he's at least used to it so it's a laugh none the less. happiness warms up his face, and he rubs at his mouth gently with a big sleeve, watching this. ]
Please - there is no need to hesitate. [ ruoye pipes up in his cute voice just a moment later, for the first time, with an enthusiastic yes! ]
san lang freezes, but allows this to happen, carefully setting his hand on ruoye and stroking once his hand has been mostly released. he doesn't feel the warmth in the same way that xie lian does, but there's an inkling of something in his chest - a sudden, distant star gone supernova, honey-warm. safe.
but of course he speaks. of course this part of xie lian could also share his heart. ]
[ ...it's familiar, if just a tiny, tiny bit melancholy. it's been a while since xie lian's time in those strange new worlds ended, now, and he has had no time to reach out - or, hasn't wanted to. sometimes, he still wears the shame like a cloak, curled up around his shoulders.
so this is the first time he's felt it. it's a reminder that the baraqiel he knew was not - was not his hua cheng, maybe, but... this one is. it's still him.
(he finds himself missing tanhua, just for a moment. a little nostalgia, a little bittersweet.)
still, xie lian's smile is gentle. ]
Mm. I think you'll find that he likes you very much, San Lang. [ ruoye chitters happily, content with showing off his voice, and squirms across san lang's lap, pretty much demanding that he continues to pet him. his little wiggle worm. ] He is independent of me in a sense - he very much has his own personality, and has been through quite a bit.
... He's been looking forward to [ i've been looking forward to ] meeting you.
... you both watched over me. [ ruoye, curled up around his lantern, despite the fact it gave no warmth. xie lian, letting it sit nestled in the cradle of his crossed legs, a safe place as he cultivated and shared what little spiritual energy he had with him.
despite the reverence that leads to hesitation, ruoye is insistent. his fingers ghost over his little head, and then he scratches under his chin, around his full cheeks, thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose, a quiet affection and gratitude that he tries to lavish the daemon in. perhaps it extends to his person, as well. ]
Of course I would treat him as I would you, Dianxia. [ i'll keep him safe, i won't let him go through anything.
i'll keep you safe, i won't let you go through anything alone anymore. ]
[ xie lian's heart swells for a moment, recalling the words of an elder hua cheng.
Where one might end, another will begin - another banquet, another story, another journey. The fox and the rabbit would meet, again and again.
he has to duck his head to keep his expression hidden, the small smile lighting up his exhausted features like the warmth of a hearth. it feels like hope, something xie lian has lost sight of every now and then, in the hell of his life.
absently, he lifts his hand to press it to his own chest. ]
We have tried to. [ watch over him. ] And we - and I have often failed.
[ ... ] I told you to stop believing in me once, you know. You are quite stubborn - you never did, did you?
[ this san lang - this hong-er, this young man who will become hua cheng, given some time - misses the smile, the hopefulness, the light that's come from something so simple yet so profound all at once. but to him, it's as easy as what breathing had been, when he was alive.
he would never, ever give up on xie lian.
it's as he's now bringing both hands to pet ruoye that he looks up proper, blinking his mismatched eyes at xie lian. ]
Dianxia has never given me reason to doubt, nor forget. I said that I would not - and I still will not. [ a moment, then: ] You gave me purpose, and meaning. You gave me a reason to live. To die for you was my greatest honor, but I would not leave this world so long as you were in it, not after the kindness that you showed me when no one else would.
[ okay, listen. listen!!! he's expecting this kind of response, because after weeks of getting to know hua cheng, he likes to say things that affirm all the parts of xie lian that he feels like he's going to lose hold of, likes to say things that are sweepingly kind and sincere and he means them but it's still!! a lot!! it's a lot, especially when he has the incarnation of xie lian's literal soul in his lap.
ruoye, delighted, wriggles into the hands further, while his person just kind of stares, processing. and then, he makes a soft noise, almost a little laugh, and reaches up to rub his own cheek. ]
...Fair enough. [ i would not leave this world so long as you were in it. ] Then... I'm glad for it, San Lang. That I have done so much to earn your belief so fervently is - well. I think I ought to be thanking you.
[ his voice softens at the end there, rounding out, as ruoye nuzzles against his hand one last time before wriggling out of hua cheng's lap, coming instead to snuggle up against his side. ]
Things are not so easy, here and now. It has been a long and difficult road, but... if you would like to traverse it with us, then, you are more than welcome to stand by my side. It would be my honor, really. What do you think?
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no subject
I have been, too.
[ not grateful enough for all of the things that hua cheng has done for him - but, xie lian's doing his best to return the favor. or, at least... to start to.
it's comforting, to hear his voice like this instead of the faint, fading sound of his words as the spirit fire. xie lian does lean a little closer to inspect him over, to make sure he doesn't look that much different than the ghost of mt. tonglu at all, besides the obvious. that eye of his is very, very red, and though it's a little surprising to see on his face...
it's very fetching! ]
I didn't do so much - merely assisted your own strength. You've held on this long on your own, and that is very impressive.
[ time for praise! ]
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xie lian, inspecting him and everything about him. eye included.
it is very, very red! and having xie lian leaning in closer has him ducking under his bangs, even as he tries to remain seated upright, angling his head so that his right eye is a little more obscured. he'd spent so long, hiding it away. even on the battlefield. it's the safe self conscious behavior as his older self, even centuries later. ]
I had much I needed to do, even like that. And that you allowed me to stay by your side... [ because what good is having a little ghost fire? a spirit that can't do anything, can barely speak, can barely light the way. it's not as if san lang could warm xie lian and ruoye when he was curled up, miserable and drunk, in that grave. ] Now that I'm in possession of a body again, if I can help any -
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- You can, but, there's no need to hide from me.
[ this comes out with no provocation or anything else. what is probably worse for poor, poor san lang is that xie lian just shifts where he's settled and leans forward, reaching out with absolutely no warning at all to put his hand on his cheek on the side of his red eye. ]
Will you let me see?
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probably a good thing that he's a ghost, here. no warmth floods to his face, no heartbeat to skip a beat and stutter to a stop. just poor san lang going stock still, staring back at him like a deer in the lights. but - he's asked. xie lian has asked. and who is he, especially at this age, to deny a request from taizi dianxia?
the slightest nod, against where he touches his cool cheek. ]
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his hand stays there, thumb resting on his cheekbone, seaglass-gray-green-gold eyes focusing in on hua cheng's, on the red one.
and though there's quiet, for a second, when xie lian speaks up, he sounds a little breathless. ] ...This is the first time I've seen it. [ and there's a little huff of a laugh at the end of it, because, technically, he saw his eye in that beautiful saber - but beyond that, it was bandages and covers, and then, nothing at all in the rare times he saw hua cheng without one.
... he thumbs san lang's cheek again, and proclaims: ] I think it's very striking, isn't it?
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at first, he can't look directly at xie lian. the red is crisp and clear even when he doesn't, though, such a stark difference to the twinkling black sky of his left eye - the one that's always been visible, regardless of eyepatch or not. there's a soft en in response to what xie lian says, first, but not much else, as he slowly looks up just enough to glance at him.
but then he's tenderly touching his face still, thumbing at his cheek, and san lang does truly look at him. the surprise is blatant. after so many years of his life being told that it was a cursed eye, a demon's eye, something that made him a monster...
someone thinks it's striking..? someone with eyes that change in every light, in every mood, that could very well be a treasure of xian le on their own - this person thinks that? ]
... Dianxia really thinks that?
[ hua cheng has been in love with xie lian since the moment that he met him. but it's still possible for him to fall more in love with him every single day. ]
no subject
he nods, with no trouble - reassuring and immediate. ]
Of course I do.
[ something, maybe, to soothe away that stunned look, but - a genuine, honest answer. ] I think red suits you very much - and it is a very auspicious color, too.
[ especially after seeing him in blue,
ruoye chitters in agreement from his lap, too, making himself known. ] I like it.
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he thinks of his mother's red, red clothes, the silver jewelry that jingled softly, her fond hong-er as she brushed his wild hair from his face so that she could see his eyes, the same as xie lian has asked of him. her red smile, sharp like a knife.
he thinks of the red coral pearl, the one he's going to have to find again, retrieve from where he'd left it. how he would hold it up to the moon, on the quiet, sleepless nights when they were waiting for their next orders, watching how the silver light glinted off of it. about how it was his most favorite possession. ]
Then... [ xie lian says he thinks red suits him. it will be hard to accept the part of him that others have hated to the point of him loathing it, too, but san lang can try to hate it a little less. ] I think I'm a little outnumbered.
[ referring to ruoye. ]
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[ there's amusement on xie lian's face as he says this, though, and he smiles down at ruoye when san lang refers to him. the ferret chitters softly and hops free of xie lian's lap, recognizing the permission being given - he wriggles across the way to san lang, and then sits in front of him on his hind leg. ]
You two have met before, but even still, I would like to officially introduce you to Ruoye.
[ ruoye gives a polite bow of his head as if he were a full size human and not a ferret. ]
He is my soul companion. As such, I think the two of you will get along swimmingly.
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at least ruoye is a welcome distraction from the discussion of his red, red eye, and he blinks down at the ferret. a constant companion that has had no explanation before now. ]
I see. [ he is my soul companion. that's a lot he's going to have to figure out as time goes on. but he bows his head in return, as if this is a normal conversation.
(he was a soldier and is a ghost, he's seen strange enough things.) ] I certainly hope so. Thank you for taking care of us, Ruoye.
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xie lian sits back a little after that, pleased, and ruoye chitters, sticking his head up in san lang's direction. ]
You may pet him, if you'd like.
[ might as well get that out of the way. ruoye seems in perfect agreement with this, and if not stopped, he will hop right into this little soldier's lap like it's nothing. ]
no subject
well.
he's not going to stop ruoye, that's for certain. his expression, initially, definitely reads as "i want to, but you just said this was your soul companion, so i have no right to that" before he's essentially given no choice in the matter. but there's no revulsion for xie lian, and san lang doesn't experience it either. instead, he just -
without a daemon of his own, as ruoye is physically manifested, he doesn't experience the full weight of the warmth. but it's still there, as he lets the ferret do whatever he likes, tentatively hovering his hands over him. ]
no subject
ruoye just immediately grabs his hand with his little paw and pulls it down, flopping over cutely into san lang's lap with his hand. pet me.
it makes xie lian laugh - a little breathless, because he gets the full punch to the gut of warmth from the touch, though he's at least used to it so it's a laugh none the less. happiness warms up his face, and he rubs at his mouth gently with a big sleeve, watching this. ]
Please - there is no need to hesitate. [ ruoye pipes up in his cute voice just a moment later, for the first time, with an enthusiastic yes! ]
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san lang freezes, but allows this to happen, carefully setting his hand on ruoye and stroking once his hand has been mostly released. he doesn't feel the warmth in the same way that xie lian does, but there's an inkling of something in his chest - a sudden, distant star gone supernova, honey-warm. safe.
but of course he speaks. of course this part of xie lian could also share his heart. ]
... how wonderful, Dianxia.
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so this is the first time he's felt it. it's a reminder that the baraqiel he knew was not - was not his hua cheng, maybe, but... this one is. it's still him.
(he finds himself missing tanhua, just for a moment. a little nostalgia, a little bittersweet.)
still, xie lian's smile is gentle. ]
Mm. I think you'll find that he likes you very much, San Lang. [ ruoye chitters happily, content with showing off his voice, and squirms across san lang's lap, pretty much demanding that he continues to pet him. his little wiggle worm. ] He is independent of me in a sense - he very much has his own personality, and has been through quite a bit.
... He's been looking forward to [ i've been looking forward to ] meeting you.
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despite the reverence that leads to hesitation, ruoye is insistent. his fingers ghost over his little head, and then he scratches under his chin, around his full cheeks, thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose, a quiet affection and gratitude that he tries to lavish the daemon in. perhaps it extends to his person, as well. ]
Of course I would treat him as I would you, Dianxia. [ i'll keep him safe, i won't let him go through anything.
i'll keep you safe, i won't let you go through anything alone anymore. ]
no subject
Where one might end, another will begin - another banquet, another story, another journey. The fox and the rabbit would meet, again and again.
he has to duck his head to keep his expression hidden, the small smile lighting up his exhausted features like the warmth of a hearth. it feels like hope, something xie lian has lost sight of every now and then, in the hell of his life.
absently, he lifts his hand to press it to his own chest. ]
We have tried to. [ watch over him. ] And we - and I have often failed.
[ ... ] I told you to stop believing in me once, you know. You are quite stubborn - you never did, did you?
no subject
he would never, ever give up on xie lian.
it's as he's now bringing both hands to pet ruoye that he looks up proper, blinking his mismatched eyes at xie lian. ]
Dianxia has never given me reason to doubt, nor forget. I said that I would not - and I still will not. [ a moment, then: ] You gave me purpose, and meaning. You gave me a reason to live. To die for you was my greatest honor, but I would not leave this world so long as you were in it, not after the kindness that you showed me when no one else would.
surprise tags you like a year and a half later
ruoye, delighted, wriggles into the hands further, while his person just kind of stares, processing. and then, he makes a soft noise, almost a little laugh, and reaches up to rub his own cheek. ]
...Fair enough. [ i would not leave this world so long as you were in it. ] Then... I'm glad for it, San Lang. That I have done so much to earn your belief so fervently is - well. I think I ought to be thanking you.
[ his voice softens at the end there, rounding out, as ruoye nuzzles against his hand one last time before wriggling out of hua cheng's lap, coming instead to snuggle up against his side. ]
Things are not so easy, here and now. It has been a long and difficult road, but... if you would like to traverse it with us, then, you are more than welcome to stand by my side. It would be my honor, really. What do you think?